I love the beach

I love it so much, I cannot express how much I love it.

The solace and thrill it brings me at the same time. The calming noises of waves building up and waves crashing onto the shore. So much chaos yet... The calm it brings is unimaginable.

And of course not forgetting the sea breeze. It makes me forget about all horrible things. All the demons in my mind. 

I think, and I think too much. 

It is very easy to be detached and uncaring. Not giving a fuck is so easy. But then I always do. Always. Some times the fiends in my mind let my will roam into the empty space I call consciousness. Sometimes the things I think are lovely, other times it is just terrible.

The worst part is when people realise I am sensitive and over think a lot, they start to leave. After all, this is not the me you first saw. 

Who needs to be burdened with emotional baggage anyway? Who wants? Who cares? 

It also doesn't help that I'm v insecure. I actually am. When I first realised this, the first thing I thought was "shit". Extra baggage. Extra things to deal with. Unnecessary. Weakness. 

I laugh a lot. I smile a lot. I like to think that I make many people happy too. But most of the time, I'm just empty inside. The happiness I give has earned me sadness.