Mean and Rude
Is basically what I was yesterday to a certain someone whom has zero importance in my life whatsoever. She's the type of person whom can stop dead in front of me and the most I'll do as a kindhearted citizen of the world (wrong usage probably haha) is to call an ambulance (because seriously that's what everyone should do when someone drops dead or faints in front of you IS TO CALL THE DAMH AMBULANCE. HAVE YOU HEARD OF THE BYSTANDER EFFECT?! I was so shocked when I heard that there was such a thing. Just because you think someone else will do it doesn't mean they will. Oh which links to what I'm about to say). Anyway I was equally annoyed at myself and that person. I really thought a hi hat was a LITERAL high hat. Like a hat that's really high. But it turned out to be a piece of music instrument that is part of a drum set wtf. I was pissed with myself for being so dumb and not bothering to clarify with the performers what exactly that is. But I was also very very pissed with that person ( and actually the teacher too ) because they did not bother to find out what a hi hat is too. Like come on, if you don't know what is that, couldn't you have googled it? Plus it is more of your job than it is mine to actually find out what that is, because I'm not finding the stuff. Additionally, I didn't put "it can be borrowed from band or CO" for nothing...
There was zero initiative on your part.
Yes you may not be an expert at all sorts of things that people ask for (because they need it) but at least have some decency and responsibility (because it's your damn job lmao) to find it out. Do I have to attach a picture to every single item I request for then? Doesn't make sense right? Zero responsibility and initiative ugh.
I admit that I was in the wrong.
I shouldn't have used a vulgarity.
But take away that vulgarity and the entire message becomes fine. So yes I was rude and mean, but whatever I said had no element of falsehood in it. And yes I do think you are quite inefficient. Even replying a message takes a gazillion years god damn it.
But being mean and rude is probably only acceptable when someone is in their rebellious teenage years. 13~17 years old. HAHHA so in this aspect I'm still only 17 so pls forgive me. Do remember that I have no impact on your life and you have no impact on mine. I am not asking for you to like me, just be more initiative and responsible next time. Your future team mates will appreciate it.
I don't understand how some people's minds work sometimes. Maybe being quick does not equate to being intelligent. But sometimes it shocks me at how slowly people take to think. For example I know this person who is a genius at math but takes a gazillion years to formulate his thoughts to explain it in a coherent manner. And it is so painful to watch him explain because the thoughts do not come out as a stream of consciousness. It is very... Staccato. And my brain doesn't work like that. Everything flows in a really nice river with no obstacles. Each thought is linked, each thought comes fast. Generating each thought is easy. But maybe because my thoughts flow fast, I have memory issues. I have too many things in my head at the same time. That's why I have to take down notes. And take them down fast. Or I'll forget. I think they should install a waterproof computer in the toilet. Thoughts in the toilet come easier and faster than usual... Away from the interruptions of life.
I feel like there are too many humans in Singapore nowadays. When people used to complain about how crowded singapore has become, I never understood what they were talking about. Probably because I didn't leave home too often haha. But now.... Ugh. Everywhere is FILLED WITH PEOPLE. The public transport is filled with china people. The shopping malls (even the neighbourhood ones) are filled with china people. Orchard road and bugis junction is filled with domestic workers. When I say filled I mean like 65% of the people are foreigners omg. Ok I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST FOREIGNERS IN GENERAL. I understand our need for more foreign talent..... But the main thing is that there is too much "foreign talent" here. And "talent" indeed lol. Expats yes you're working here and contributing but the others....? The govt is handling out permanent residencies AND citizenships to so many people freely. Are you sure they are all worth it? Additionally, they are suffocating the rest of us. I honestly think the ministers don't understand when we say this country is filled with foreigners. They probably don't go shopping or take public transport often.
And actually, to me, a foreigner is not simply defined as someone from another country. A foreigner is someone who will always always be unaccepted because of the way they act. A foreigner will only become NOT a foreigner if they make an effort to relate to us and change the habits they brought from their home country. As long as you are 50% Singaporean-ish, in my eyes you are accepted and I won't see you as a foreigner anymore.
The really loud typical china lady yabbering in her nasally voice in public transport will always be a foreigner to me even if she uses singlish because she does not behave like how Singaporeans typically do- KEEPING QUIET IN PUBLIC TRANSPORT OR AT LEAST SPEAKING IN A NORMAL/QUIETER VOICE GOSH DARN IT. NOT TRYING TO SCREAM INTO THE PHONE OR YOUR FRIEND'S EARS. (I know this is a very typical example but pls keep in mind that I have a throbbing headache and ain't nobody got time to rack my brains for more examples.)
Broken friendships
Sometimes... Things are not as lovely as what every one would wish for it to me. Sometimes friends fight. We disagree and ignore each other. Other times we annoy one another. Sometimes I'm really bitchy and mean. Other times you're insensitive and dumb. I hate you, you hate me. But hey everyone is in our life for a reason, and maybe that's what you're here to do. To open my eyes to things I have never once thought about. To talk about anything under the sun. To comfort me when I'm feeling horrible. To do things together, crazy or not. Friendships are never permanent. No matter how lovely things may seem at this moment, I'll keep in mind that lovely things won't last forever. Afterall, how can we possible appreciate someone if they were nice and accommodating all the time? Happy days are not a promise, but it is always a choice to be happy. Every word you and I say to each other, every thought that may or may not be executed all adds up. Sometimes I get so angry at you that I forget that you were once there for me when I was terribly sad and broken. Sometimes I forget that you are a nice person. Sometimes I forget that you are my friend. Sometimes, it is difficult to speak. But I hope you and I will be forever, because in a world where everything is always changing, it would be nice to have someone who chooses to be by my side despite so many other choices available. And for that, thank you for being my friend.
Jasper just said I like to think about how things will be like when I turn old because i like to document my days and thoughts just for the sake of reading them when I get older. And apparently that is very un-youth like haha. But I have bad memory. And i want some proof that I was alive. I want these days that are misty in my head to be preserved to as much detail as I can so as to prove to myself and the world that whatever I feel see touch hear and love is real. This is not an everlasting dream, but reality instead. I'm so afraid one day I'll wake up and everything thus far will turn out to be a lie. I am afraid of forgetting too. So I have a blog.
That's all for today. I hope I have better time management skills so I can read the newspaper and my books daily. I miss reading.
jaslynnxxx
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