Stardust

If there was one good thing about me, it would be that I forget things easily.

But I don't forget everything.

For anger, yes it subsides incredibly quickly because I forget about the annoying things someone has done.

But it is a different thing when hurt and sadness is involved. Totally different. 

I will remember every single word you said.

I will remember every single indignant emotion you felt.

I will remember how impatient you were.

I will remember how much I loved you to allow you to cause me such hurt. 

If someone I didn't give a shit about or forgot about completely did something horrible to me, of course I won't be affected so much.

But just one thing. 

Just one simple thing you did made me feel extremely sad.

You think I don't want this friendship back. All because I didn't beg on my knees and grovel in the dirt. All because I replied shit. Well yes it is my fault for replying like a motherfucker.

But then, what else could I say? Why don't you ask yourself what else I could say? When all I wanted to do was to stop the sadness and not feel it anymore. 

And I never understood why you were so indignant. You felt like because you typed the longest and most heart wrenching message ever, you won? 

Does this mean that you care more? 

Your impatience just showed me that you think you did all the "work" for getting this friendship back, when in actual fact your stupid pride was in the way. 

And yes who are you to cause me such sadness? Well, I tell you now. You are a person I care very much about and still love. I have made myself vulnerable to your words and attitude. And you killed me. Hah. Isn't this a lovely way to end the friendship? 

You'll leave me alone after causing so much stupid, unneeded drama? 

I bet you only said it to lessen your guilt. 

All you ever wanted was to sit on your high ass moral horse and then walk away when you started this first. Well congratulations, thank you for messing me up when promos are so near.

You do know that I appreciate that a lot, when everything could have been peaceful and happy. 

I hope you feel better about yourself. After all, you tried to mend this friendship, right? Wrong. You basically just created an emotional wreckage and left feeling better and less guilty about yourself. 

The day you learn that friendship isn't all about convenience is the day you grow up.

You'll never sacrifice your time for your friends. 

Everything to you is work work work. 

Or at least, you never did anything for me. 

I highly doubt I'll be missed. You have P, A and F. They are all lovely people that will make friendship and contact easy for you. And maybe that's why they are your closest friends- because they make friendship so convenient for you. So stick with them, alright? Dont always fight with P. she's the one that will be by your side forever. Heck I can imagine her hiring a stripper for your hen night. 

And today will be the last day stardust falls out of my eyes because of you. 

x