mind on the chaise lounge

The reason why I blog is because I do not want to lose memories.

I forget. Very easily, in fact.

Therefore I hope that by recording down my current feelings, thoughts and memories, I will have something to look back on before I die.

I want proof that I have lived.

I still remember vividly what Ayumi Hamasaki said during an interview. The interviewer asked her why she decided to become a singer. She said that she wanted proof that her reality is real. That it exists. She wanted to leave behind something, anything, to prove that she has once existed even after her death. 

But what if I am in my own Wonderland? But this cannot be, because Alice's Wonderland was mystical, filled with terrors and revelations. Pardon the Alice: Madness Returns reference. Oh man you guys should play this game. It's the most mind bending game ever and the graphics are so so so so lovely! 

(anyway I give up on using iCloud because I am a noob and I refuse to fuck up my PC)

On Monday (141013) was the farewell ceremony for the JC2s! 

I asked Tzesian why they didn't want the entire guitar ensemble to perform... And apparently it was because our skills are too lousy u_u so our capabilities only allowed us to put up such a small scale performance. But I sincerely hope the guitar ensemble in AJC will one day be superb (and surpass Chinese Orchestra and Band muahahha) n_n

It was raining in the morning.

If memory serves, I think I woke up at around 3am (well, it felt like 3am) because of the pouring rain. It was rare for me to be awakened by a downpour because Singapore's weather is normally just hot and humid. It rarely rains! How sad. Thus I am always thankful for rain. 

But I was late for school though. I met Erica, Tzesian and Lucas in room 1322 at 745. 

Erica had a really horrible cough/flu/whatever and her voice was rather croaky... But she managed to belt out the high notes! I felt so happy. 

Ah may I make a small confession? 

I was shocked at how happy I was for her when she could sing the high notes all right. I was shocked at my happiness for her. 

You have to understand that I view myself as quite a selfish and sadistic person. But I guess... I have changed. The old me would have sneered and be like "Bitch you can't sing now" But I never once had this thought in my mind. Should I be happy at the fact that I have become more mature? Oh wow what a cause for celebration. 

When I stood on that stage, I couldn't help but feel a tinge of nervousness. But nothing major. I didn't feel like "oh my god why did I sign up for this", but more like "hmmmmmmmmm okayyyyy what now" 

The horrible parts about the performance were

1. My microphone was WAYYYYY louder than Erica's. It scared the helle outta me when I started singing and heard my voice SO LOUD booming from the speakers across the hall. All I thought was "shit"

2. Tzesian's cajon couldn't be heard. I was so upset when I realised the cajon couldn't be heard because he really tried his best to slam on the cajon BUT THE GOD DAMNED MICROPHONE WASN'T SWITCHED ON. AVA y u do dis. But he played really well though >:(

3. Lucas screwed up at one part for 5 seconds HAHA but it's okay because he got back the rhythm after.

4. I think I forgot to sing one note properly in the chorus hahah oops.

But overall I think the performance was a 6.5/10

Not too bad but can be improved n_n If the microphones were properly adjusted (like on friday's rehearsal day), I think the performance would have been an 8. But ah, no such luck.

But it's all right I guess! Anyway I think we will be recording a nicer version for our own keepsake later on.


I really really enjoy talking to Lisa Shivaa and Jessica. But then when I hang out with them I get guilty because Laura would be alone. But then Laura doesn't need me, right? She seems all right being alone, and she can talk to Yongwei too. Sometimes being with them makes me happier.
I feel so depressed today.
It may or may not have anything to do with Gorilla (the person not animal just in case you aren't in the zone). But Lana makes it all better.

jaslynnxxx